Monday, 24 April 2017

Incomplete Relationships- Never good but they happen for a reason...

On a cold, breezy evening, sipping a hot cup of coffee  Rahul sat pondering and wondering about what could have happened if he hadn't met her,  what if he hadn't fallen for her looks, her smile, her attractive eyes and her long flowing hair.

What if he hadn't met Apsara- the woman who blew him away, the person who he couldn't stay away from...

At the beginning everything seemed so perfect in their relationship. Both met while working  and sparks ignited between them. Unlike the cliché , Apsara went and approached Rahul.  Since there weren't many Indians in their team and both of them were in a new country and  new city , Apsara approached Rahul so that she could forge a friendship with someone who she felt she could relate to.

As the days went on their friendship grew from strength to strength. They both soaked in the magnificence of New York together. They were living the dream - being investment bankers, working in New York.  Both of them had lot of things in common-like the fondness to travel and explore new places,  watching movies,  listening to music and a fascination for crime and thriller  books.

As time went by their bond became stronger and both of them after 7-8 months of friendship both of them got to know each other very well. Despite the grueling work schedules still both could spend time together exploring the city, watching movies together and totally enjoy each other's company.

Both of them were seriously contemplating taking their relationship to a new level. Everything seemed perfect,blissful and right. There was happiness and a sense of positivity  all around.  They felt so comfortable being with each other, that they felt that they completed each other in every possible way.

Then after some-time as seasons change, so did Apsara and with that the lives of Apsara and Rahul took a turn for the worse. . She no longer was able to enjoy the simple pleasures which used to bring her joy, she became  extremely moody and looked tired and fatigued. All this confused Rahul as they both had discussed about probably extending their relationship from just friendship to something more valuable and long lasting.

Rahul drove away any worries about Apsara's behavior as he felt just like him she had cold-feet and was not able to commit to a relationship with Rahul as she was commitment phobic. But in the coming days, her disappearance from work and constant refusal to pick up his calls and meet him got to Rahul. He wanted answers and wanted them soon as he was furious with her sudden change of behavior.

So he decided to confront her, and made his way to her house. He wanted to clear all the doubts and questions he had in his mind. He angrily stormed into her house, and one look at her house and her stunned Rahul. It was as if his world had spun around him, he wasn't able to believe what he was seeing.

Lying in bed covered by life support systems and connected to IV's was Apsara. There was a nurse looking after her. Rahul couldn't recognize the person lying in the bed. The person who he thought he knew so well. Conjuring up some courage he went up to the nurse and asked what happened to Apsara? The nurse said she had Stage 4 breast cancer...

Rahul couldn't believe what he was hearing. It apparently was diagnosed 3-4 months earlier when she felt giddiness, dizziness and had lot of blood loss. A normal healthy,  happy, young woman in her twenties succumbed to a disease which is incurable. The doctors said she had only few months to live. A person who lived her life to the fullest was now  left to survive using life-support systems.

No wonder she couldn't take their relationship forward. No wonder despite discussing this in detail they couldn't take their relationship from boyfriend-girlfriend to something more meaningful. She didn't have the heart to reach out to Rahul in the toughest phase of her life as she couldn't see him go through hell looking at her condition.

Sometimes relationships are cut short through means unimaginable. This is one such relationship which had everything to make it more worthwhile but which remained a half-relationship. It's  not that it was an one sided affection or lack of commitment but just that life had other plans for Rahul and Apsara.

Apasara battled through pain beyond description for 6 months or so with Rahul on her side looking after her like how a father would look after her daughter hoping for some miracle to happen which would bring back the Apsara he knew. But alas, fate had some other plans and Apsara succumbed to her condition and passed away.

Rahul was inconsolable and couldn't accept the fact that a person who was so healthy just recently could end up leaving him and this world in such a manner. He tried to move-on and get back to normal knowing that if Apsara was around  she would have wanted him to that.

But try as he may he couldn't move on from that pain and is now struggling to live a normal life. On the insistence of his parents he left the place he cherished so much, where he had lot of fond memories  behind and with a heavy heart came back home.

Sipping a cup of coffee in the cold, he just wondered what had he done wrong to end a relationship like this? Why did his relationship with Apsara have to end up as a Half-Relationship? Why..

The following lines is dedicated to lost love, pain and remorse:

If I had only known..
That is the last time we've met,
I would have stopped the break of dawn,
And stopped the sun to set..

If I had only known,
That I wouldn't ever see you again,
I would have framed a picture of you within,
To end my pain, to end my suffering..

If I had only known,
That we would never hold hands again,
I would have held them strong,
And never let anything go wrong, anything..

If I had only known any of this,
That you were what I was breathing for,
I would have given my life away happily for you,
Seen you and bid adieu.
While all I can do now,
... is sit, waiting for you....

Some questions remain unanswered.. some pains never leave your heart, all you are left is the memories when things were all-right and were fine and when you feel life was worth living, when life was worth living...

PS: This is inspired from many tales of  beautiful relationships portrayed in  movies and books(not to name any movie or book specifically )  and also from a  heart-wrenching story I heard from a friend of mine  who went through a   traumatic period in his life which sowed the seeds for writing this blog post.


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